Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 9/2/21

September 2, 2021

Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

Steven’s Picks

  • Ohio St. -14 – Buckeyes receiving corp will be too much for the Gophers to counter. OSU won its 6 conference games last year by an average of 21 points per game.
  • Duke -6.5 – Coach Cutcliffe seeks to right the ship against the 49ers. Duke’s stingy defense will force multiple turnovers and help the Blue Devils cover the spread.
  • Georgia ML – The loss of Trevor Lawrence will take some time for the Tigers to get over. My pick to win the National Championship wins outright.
  • Illinois -5.5 – Illinois showed me a lot in the second half of their opener against Nebraska. The offense turned it on in the 2nd half and should continue to succeed in scoring against UTSA.
  • LSU/UCLA O65 – The battle between Chip Kelly and Ed Orgeron will happen through the air. Feeling 50/50 on who could win the game but feel confident that points galore will be scored.

Steven McCash is the Lead Music Writer and Utility Man for SoBros Network. Steven is the host of the ‘Drinking With…’ podcast, and the pioneer of New Music Friday, highlighting each week’s new releases in the world of music in addition to the occasional live show review. He also pitches in as a Nashville lifestyle writer and football analyst (hence the ‘Utility Man’ title). Follow on Twitter: @MC_Cash75.

Stan’s Picks

Guess who’s back, back again, Stan is back, tell a friend….Welcome back.

As you may have noticed, I have been a little off the grid. I started a new job that is kicking my ass. I also had my second kid (congrats on the sex, Stan), so life has been a BLUR. I wouldn’t miss giving out my mediocre gambling advice for the world though.  So fuck that job and them kids (not really). The boss asked for 5 picks, so 5 heaters coming your way….Thursday night delights!

  • Temple +14.5 – I want Rutgers to be good and Schiano to make them the program they were, but giving 14.5 week 1….seems fishy. I think the .5 might come into play here….
  • Ohio State -14 – I think Minnesota had a good run the last few years, but OSU makes a statement here with a blowout.
  • Old Dominion +31 – That song one man band fucks. So does this team getting 31 points.
  • Syracuse -1.5 – I had a good run with the Orangeman last year so just go with Stan and stop asking questions.
  • I hate you all because I would get shit if I didn’t take the Clemson game. I jinx them every time I bet them, but I ain’t no bitch. UNDER 51.

5-0 to start the year LFG!

Stan is the Chief of Debauchery for SoBros Network. A native of the Northeast, he is a diehard fan of the New York Yankees, but no, he does not wear a big gold chain and backwards hat. Nor does he drink Heinekens. Follow on Twitter: @sobrostan.

Stoney’s Picks

It took a Hail Mary in the final week of the Tank the 401k season just for me to get to .500 for 2020, so I’m coming out swinging, pissed off for greatness and all. Fresh start. Clean slate. Whatever you want to call it – I’m ready to WIN FUCKING DOLLARS. Check in with me in a few weeks when I have *ahem* tanked my 401k to bet on football games and have started talking about buttchugging a bottle of Jack Daniel’s again.

  • Missouri -14 – Central Michigan may do well in the MAC this year, but Dan LeFevour ain’t walkin’ through that door! Mizzou could be a surprise contender in the SEC East, and they handle business against CMU this weekend.
  • Bowling Green +35.5 – We talked about this game on this week’s episode of the College Football Roundup, and really, it’s not an indictment on how far I think this Vols program has fallen…I think they’ll still win this game comfortably. But, it’s more of a 34-10 type of score to me as the Vols ease into Josh Heupel’s new offensive system with a new quarterback.
  • Ohio State @ Minnesota, UNDER 62.5 – I’m with the boys on this game. Minnesota is still coasting on the hope of that really good season they had a few years ago. They’re going to have a hard time keeping up with the Buckeyes, and ultimately, that’s why I think this score stays under 62.5. Think 52-10 Ohio State kinda deal.
  • Wisconsin -5.5 – They’re at home with a veteran, well-coached roster. They’ll start the campaign to challenge Ohio State by surprising Penn State.
  • North Carolina -6.5 – The Sam Howell Heisman campaign gets off to a roaring start at Virginia Tech, as North Carolina could push for the ACC title this season.


  • Stan’s 2020 W-L: (24-18) – 57%
  • Stoney’s 2020 W-L: (21-21) – 50%
  • SoBros 2020 W-L: (45-39) – 54%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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